November 8, 2007

The Grad School Chronicles: Lack of Motivation

In about seven weeks, I'll officially be a college graduate.... At least I think I will.

The last semester.... Haven't done much of anything -- haven't had to... And really don't want to.

No job... Two easy classes... All carefully planned, years in advance; all focusing on one goal: get into grad school.

But all this excess inventory of leisure time has come at a price. Since I haven't had to do much of anything, I haven't done much of I should be doing. (i.e. filling out grad school applications)

For three years I've worked my tail off towards this. All the meaningless classes, all the train rides into Camden, all the long overnight shifts at a certain retail establishment that shall remain nameless. All of it has been for this specific moment in time. To prove -- if only for own selfish reason -- that I CAN, and that the first thirty years of my life did NOT go to waste.

Am I about to piss it all away just because I'm too damn lazy to write a few essays?

ADD? Yes! ADD, that's it! That's the reason why I'm unmotivated. Blame it on some mental disorder that I never knew I had until a few years ago. But, do I really want to go back on the meds just so I can concentrate on grad school? Am I physically able to take the stress of amphetamines? Am I mentally able to to the stress of amphetamine psychosis?

Anyway, I just got my letters of recommendation sorted out, and I've signed up for a GRE prep class. But then again, that was the easy part. I still have three months to write the essays. Can I do it?... Will I do it? And more importantly, when all is said and done, will all the troubles have even been worthwhile?



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