After my experience Christmas shopping today, I am convinced that the worst job in the world, worse than migrant farm worker, call center taker, deodorant smell tester, or MSNBC "news" anchor, is "shopping mall kiosk guy."
I'm at the Deptford Mall this afternoon, minding my own business, doing some Christmas shopping (Yeah, I know. It's Dec. 20, and I'm only now getting around to Christmas shopping. Sue me.) and I get accosted by not one, not two, but three different shopping mall kiosk attendants.
"NO! I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING PROACTIV SOLUTION! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AWAY!"
I then go into the Men's room, and notice a nice-sized zit underneath my lower lip. So I guess shopping mall kiosk guy had a point. Despite this, it still didn't induce me to purchase any Proactiv.
BOSTON - Troopers arrested an MIT student at gunpoint Friday after she walked into Logan International Airport wearing a computer circuit board and wiring on her sweatshirt. Authorities call it a fake bomb; she called it art.
Ummm, yeah. "Art."
You know, if I were going to strap something that looks like a bomb to my chest and run my way through airport security, I'd make sure that I did it at the airport where two of the flights that were hijacked on 9/11 originated. Yeah. That makes sense.
Then again, isn't it nice to know that one of America's elite universities (allegedly) has such high admissions standards.
Another Batch of Ran-Dumb Thoughts from the Cultch Pile
"Awareness" Run Amok
One thing I'll never get is the "awareness" ribbon. You know, those folded strips of self-righteousness that have polluted the lapels of Limousine Liberals, malignant narcissists, and wannabe slacker activists from coast-to-coast. I've come to the conclusion that the awareness ribbon -- and it's cousin the "Lance Armstrong" rubber bracelet -- is less about "awareness" and more about making the wearer feel good about themselves without actually having to do anything tangible.
So get this: The other day I was on my way home from the hospital (see below) when I came to a red light. My car was stopped in front of a Ford Explorer that had -- and I'm not making this up -- ten magnetic awareness ribbons stuck on the back bumper.
Now I'm sure this driver means well (then again, maybe not), but what exactly was this person trying to make me "aware" of?
I still don't know.
Update on my Grandfather
The Ol' Man's still stuck in medical limbo. About a week ago he was transferred from the hospital in Voorhees, to a rehab center in Berlin. Ever since they moved him to Berlin, I've been spending about an hour or two a day there.
This rehab center is the same place where my grandmother was taken after she had her stroke. (In fact, his room to just down the hall from hers.) And while they did a pretty good job treating her for the stroke; unfortunately, they completely forgot about the tumor that was growing inside of her liver. She died less than a year later.
So yeah, this place gives me the creeps.
Mashup DJs Make Avril Lavigne (somewhat) Listenable
Alright, so Avril still sucks. But at least the guy who mashed her up with the "Walk It Out" song tried. Unfortunately, you can only go so far with what you're dealt with.
Chris Enters the 21st Century
I just got a cell phone. Well, more like inherited one. It's a long story, but if want my cell phone number, just e-mail me.
The Cartoon Conundrum
Am I the only one who buys a DVD and then never actually watches it?
Last Friday night UPN CW57 was airing the "Towelie" episode of South Park. (The greatest SP episode, ever.) But then about halfway through, I flip over to the Cartoon Network and Adult Swim begins airing "The Broodwich" episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. This left me in a bit of a dilemma.
Theoretically, I could watch either of these anytime I want. After all, I have them both on DVD. But for some reason, I don't. I have all four volumes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD, but I can't remember when I actually saw any of them.
I guess there's something about watching a show when it's scheduled to air, as opposed to anytime you want.
Update on my Football Alter Ego
It appears that I, Chris Harris, was traded last week from the defending NFC Champion Chicago Bears, to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Which is kind of funny because I just saw that new LaDainian Tomlinson commercial for Nike. You know, the one where LT's juking and jiving through the Bears defense. Watch this clip and check out who the last defender back for the Bears is:
There's Something about 97 Degree Weather and my Face.
I spent an afternoon at Eagles training camp last week, and came back covered in sweat. For some reason, whenever it gets really hot and humid, I break out. Even after I got home and took a cold shower, about an hour later, my face is all greasy. It's like the Exxon Valdez ran aground on the bridge of my nose. I wash my face repeatedly, and all the oil comes back.
