August 30, 2007

Invasion of Met Fans.

The 300/400 Level at Citizen's Bank Park (especially in right field) has assumed the mantle of The 700 Level.

At first, the hooliganism was blamed on such youth-skewed promotions as "Dollar Dog Night" and "College Night." But with the Mets in town -- and with them thousands of "Met Fan" -- you knew something like this was gonna happen.

Which got me to ponder. Philadelphia is a city that is just taylor-made for soccer. Especially the accompanying soccer hooliganism.

(Sorry about the crappy Euro-techno music.) We all know none of these clowns could hang in the 300/400 level. But on the other hand, these Italian hools...

Just how awesome would it be if The Linc were like that for a Eagles game. Much respect, from this side of the pond.

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August 29, 2007

We Believe in Ron!

This video I saw on With Leather made me a believer. I think I will be selecting Ron Dayne in the third round of my fantasy football draft.

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August 27, 2007

Oh Great, We have 17 more Sunday Nights of this Nitwit to put up with.

The Infamous, Deplorable, Keith Olbermann™ is a South Park episode waiting to happen. Here he is defending the equally Infamous, Deplorable, Michael Vick during halftime of last night's Eagles-Steelers pre-season game.

Apparently, NBC turned the pre-game show over to Olby for a "Special Edition" of Meltdown Countdown. Fortunately for those of us in Eagle-land, NBC10 had the good sense to preempt Bathtub Boy to present something that looked like a football pre-game show. (Although I don't see what Vai Sikahema and Kevin Curtis going to church has to do with football.)

But fear not. Matt Drudge and Olbermann Watch are on the case!

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August 21, 2007

I Guess I Gotta Buy A New Eagles Jersey.

The Birds cut Trotter.

Man, that guy was a warrior. His jersey will now join Mike Mamula and Donte Stallworth in the back of my closet -- forever.

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August 20, 2007

Fall Schedule

Mon, Wed & Fri
10:10AM - 11:05AM

Tues & Thurs
9:30AM - 10:50AM

Plus whatever hours I get at the tutoring center.

Current GPA = 3.389


Life Update

The Quest for a David Beckham LA Galaxy Jersey

My parents do a lot of travelling, and they always bring me back a souvenir -- usually a soccer jersey (if they go overseas) or a baseball cap (if they stay in the US). Over the years, I've built up quite an impressive collection of soccer jerseys and baseball hats.

So right before they left for California a couple of weeks ago, they asked me what I wanted.

"Mom, I want a David Beckham LA Galaxy jersey."

So this past Wednesday, I went to pick up my parents from the airport. They told me tales of an entire wall of David Beckham LA Galaxy jerseys on display at the Sports Authority in Temecula, California. But did they remember pick one up in a size 2XL for me? Ummm, No.

I got San Diego Padres T-Shirt -- which is exactly what they got me when they visited Uncle Jimmy in San Diego last year!

Fortunately, The Sports Authority in Deptford let me return the Padres shirt, and I got $19.40 cash. (Would you believe they have sales tax on clothing in California?)

I then went down the street to Dick's, plunked down $80, and got my David Beckham LA Galaxy Jersey. So I'm happy.

If you think Health Care is Expensive Now...

On Thursday, me and my Uncle Robert picked up my grandfather from the rehab center in Berlin. Rehabing what, I still don't know. All-in-all, he spent nine days in the hospital, and another fifteen days in rehab. I think I was there for fourteen of those fifteen days.

The last few days were tough on the old man -- but not for the reasons you would think. He should have been out of that place a week earlier. But they kept him anyway.

Why would they keep him an extra week you ask? Because, Medicare was paying for it.

There was absolutely no reason for him to have been in that rehab center for as long as they kept him. But when the taxpayer is stuck with the bill, who gives a shit!

Listen to Uncle Miltie, and learn...

Keep that in mind when you cast your ballot for President next year.

The Most Depressing Road in South Jersey

One thing that I won't miss is the drive down the White Horse Pike to the rehab center. Once you get east of the Lindenwold train station, to approximately the intersection with Berlin-Cross Keys Road, the Pike is just a big low-life zone.

Abandoned strip-malls. Boarded-up restaurants. Check cashing agencies in place of regular banks. Liquor stores. Crappy apartment buildings. Vacant lots.

Lindenwold, New Jersey: Not as bad as Camden, but still not all that great either.

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August 18, 2007

Gentlemen, BEHOLD!

"I give you, Chris Harris' new personal blog!"


"Ummm, Dr. Weird. Isn't it the same as his old blog on Xanga?


"Ummm, whatever."

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August 11, 2007

On Love, Marriage, and Why at 33 I've Yet to Find Either

As I begin writing this, an old friend of mine from Rutgers is in Cancun getting married. In fact, by the time I finish editing and proofreading this piece -- and barring a last minute case of cold feet -- Miss Grace Lim will officially answer to Mrs. Steve...

Mrs. Steve... Hmmm, that's a good question!

I don't want to go off on a tangent, but I have absolutely no idea what Grace's new husband's surname -- and by extension her new name -- is. Now I've only met Steve a couple of times, and from what I've been able to surmise, he seems nice enough -- and surely worthy of being Grace's husband. Besides, Grace doesn't strike me as the kind of girl who would stick with the same guy for ten years (as she did with Steve) if he were a real scumbag. Or even worse, abusive -- at least I hope not.

But finding out to whom I should address my wedding gift is something that I need to put on my "to do" list.

Anyway, with Grace's marriage, I am now the only person my age I know of (either family, friend, colleague, or otherwise) that is either A) not already married, or B) not in a serious long-term relationship.

And yes, it's beginning to suck.

For the record, I haven't had a "real" girlfriend since I left the Air Force and moved back to South Jersey. That was in 1999.

Initially, I had a good reason for this: I wanted to take a break and live the life of a bachelor for a while. And I got to admit, for the first couple of years I liked the freedom of being single. But the Chris Harris of 1999 had no idea that "a while" would turn out to be eight years.

Now it's getting frustrating, and not just for me.

Call me crazy, but I am convinced that my grandmother went to her grave thinking that her oldest grandson (me) was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. "You are what you is, and that's all it 'tis," right? But I'll forever be haunted by the last image I have of her as she lay dying: a long, cold, stare from her death bed. In her final years, she was always pestering me about my social life -- or lack thereof. Those steely-eyes were trying to communicate to me her dissatisfaction that she would die without ever seeing her first great-grandchild.

All of which leads me to this: Why am I 33-years-old and still single anyway? I guess if I had to explain it, it's more of a fear of the unknown than anything else. I have high standards in a potential mate, and I'll be the first to admit that. I'm afraid that if I make such a commitment, and choose the wrong woman, I'll be condemned to a loveless marriage and be financially saddled with children who despise me -- a worst case scenario if there ever was one.

So I guess that explains why I've been so pensive -- or at least that's what I'd like to think. My severe lack of social skills sure doesn't help, either.

Then again, because I have such standards, it stands to reason that I've missed out on someone who -- while not "perfect" -- I'd probably be happy spending the remainder of my life with. Its just that I was too pig-headed to realize it. I can easily count on two hands the number of girls I've known in my lifetime that may have fit this description.

But in all seriousness, there's got to be somebody out there for me, right? (Yep, Chris, keep telling yourself that.)

Oh by the way, if you are a single, smart, moderate-to-attractive looking female in your 20s or early-30s; are into South Park, the writings of P.J. O'Rourke, the Philadelphia Eagles, and can tolerate one man's addiction to collecting baseball cards; please inquire within. Race and religion are not important -- at least to me anyway. (I cannot vouch for the rest of my family.) Apply to be Chris Harris's baby-mama today!

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August 10, 2007

David Beckham .. Played for 21 Minutes

I was seriously considering driving down to DC just to tailgate with the other Sons of Ben.  But alas, I had other committments.

Nice to see the United fans "welcoming" the Missus though.

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August 9, 2007

Dammit, I Want One of These!

Steven Colbert. Just doing his part to raise "awareness."

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August 6, 2007

Another Batch of Ran-Dumb Thoughts from the Cultch Pile

"Awareness" Run Amok

One thing I'll never get is the "awareness" ribbon. You know, those folded strips of self-righteousness that have polluted the lapels of Limousine Liberals, malignant narcissists, and wannabe slacker activists from coast-to-coast. I've come to the conclusion that the awareness ribbon -- and it's cousin the "Lance Armstrong" rubber bracelet -- is less about "awareness" and more about making the wearer feel good about themselves without actually having to do anything tangible.

So get this: The other day I was on my way home from the hospital (see below) when I came to a red light. My car was stopped in front of a Ford Explorer that had -- and I'm not making this up -- ten magnetic awareness ribbons stuck on the back bumper.

Now I'm sure this driver means well (then again, maybe not), but what exactly was this person trying to make me "aware" of?

I still don't know.

Update on my Grandfather

The Ol' Man's still stuck in medical limbo. About a week ago he was transferred from the hospital in Voorhees, to a rehab center in Berlin. Ever since they moved him to Berlin, I've been spending about an hour or two a day there.

This rehab center is the same place where my grandmother was taken after she had her stroke. (In fact, his room to just down the hall from hers.) And while they did a pretty good job treating her for the stroke; unfortunately, they completely forgot about the tumor that was growing inside of her liver. She died less than a year later.

So yeah, this place gives me the creeps.

Mashup DJs Make Avril Lavigne (somewhat) Listenable

Alright, so Avril still sucks. But at least the guy who mashed her up with the "Walk It Out" song tried. Unfortunately, you can only go so far with what you're dealt with.

Chris Enters the 21st Century

I just got a cell phone. Well, more like inherited one. It's a long story, but if want my cell phone number, just e-mail me.

The Cartoon Conundrum

Am I the only one who buys a DVD and then never actually watches it?

Last Friday night UPN CW57 was airing the "Towelie" episode of South Park. (The greatest SP episode, ever.) But then about halfway through, I flip over to the Cartoon Network and Adult Swim begins airing "The Broodwich" episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. This left me in a bit of a dilemma.

Theoretically, I could watch either of these anytime I want. After all, I have them both on DVD. But for some reason, I don't. I have all four volumes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD, but I can't remember when I actually saw any of them.

I guess there's something about watching a show when it's scheduled to air, as opposed to anytime you want.

Update on my Football Alter Ego

It appears that I, Chris Harris, was traded last week from the defending NFC Champion Chicago Bears, to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Which is kind of funny because I just saw that new LaDainian Tomlinson commercial for Nike. You know, the one where LT's juking and jiving through the Bears defense. Watch this clip and check out who the last defender back for the Bears is:

There's Something about 97 Degree Weather and my Face.

I spent an afternoon at Eagles training camp last week, and came back covered in sweat. For some reason, whenever it gets really hot and humid, I break out. Even after I got home and took a cold shower, about an hour later, my face is all greasy. It's like the Exxon Valdez ran aground on the bridge of my nose. I wash my face repeatedly, and all the oil comes back.

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August 3, 2007


It's that time.

Time to bust out the green jersey from the back of the closet.

Time for the FedEx man to deliver the package from "1 Lincoln Financial Field Way."

Time to make the annual pilgrimage to Lehigh.

Yes folks, it's almost time,

for another season of Eagles football.

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